Listen up children the Diva is about to speak. This is my first column so I will make it short and sweet. These are some basic rules that I have learned if you want to be a successful queen. Pay attention!

Number one
If you are an ugly man you will be an even uglier woman but don't give up. You can develop that ugly into an asset. Look at Boy George and Marilyn Manson. You don't have to look like a woman to be a queen.
Number two
If you have a beard like Grizzly Adams buy the industrial strength base. Nothing looks worse on a queen than a bunch of stubble showing through. Kind of kills the image.
Number three
Never wear your wig like it comes. Make it mad. Tease it until it fights back. You can refer to my picture above. You didn't think I look that good by accident did you?
Number four
Everybody know all of the queens have multiple personalities and they accept that but try and maintain one personality at a time. Some of your audience is not too bright and they confuse easily. On the other hand it can be helpful when the really dumb ones tip all of you.
Number five
Coordinate, coordinate, coordinate! Just because you shop at Dirt Cheap doesn't mean you have to look cheap. On the other hand you can spend hundreds of dollars and still be trashy. Not that there isn't a place for being trashy. You just have to choose the proper time. Look at Dolly  Parton. She's made millions being trashy and let's be truthful. We all know she is nothing but a female queen and the roll model for a lot of us.
Number six
KNOW YOUR WORDS! You may want to look like a fish but you don't want to LOOK like a fish out of water. Practice! You know how we all like the mirror anyway.

That's enough for now. You're little brains might not be able to handle too much advice at one time.
TTFN
Fannie



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