Looking Better Than Ever
1. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
2. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
3. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
4. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
5. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.
6. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
7. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
8. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait, and a macchiato.
And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
9. Your pets always have great names.
10. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
11. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
12. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
13. You know how to get a waiter's attention.
14. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
15. You are, hands down, your nephews' and nieces' favorite uncle.
16. You get to choose your family.
17. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
18. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
19. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
20. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
21. You know when to move out and move on.
22. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
23. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
24. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
25. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
26. You know which wine to bring.
27. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
28. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
29. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
30. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
31. You have the latest International Male catalog.
32. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
Need I say more?